guilt
by karkaliciousbanana
Summary: pale erikan. kanaya feels guilty about killing eridan, and wonders if there's any way to fix her mistake.


Kanaya Maryam stood over the two pieces of Eridan's still body, a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. Guilt.

The smell of blood made her fangs protrude from her mouth, a smell that would've disgusted any other troll. But she wasn't any other troll, was she? The rainbow drinker knelt to sample a taste of the violet liquid. Mm. The sweet flavour of grapes filled her mouth and made her sigh softly. Oh, wait. She was busy feeling guilty. You can feed off the Rose human later, Kanaya.

His eyes were rolled back into his head, as all troll's did when they died. His eyebrows were still furrowed in an expression of fear and confusion, his purple-tinted lips parted slightly. That stabbing feeling of guilt returned to Kanaya again as she looked at his face. Even though he'd killed her first.

Even so. This was the boy that she'd made a pair of wands for, the boy that said he wouldn't harm her when he destroyed all land dwellers, the boy that she could heatedly discuss fashion with seriously, the boy that would sit and complain to her while she listened, only half-interested. This was Eridan Ampora.

This was her friend.

Friend seemed like such a formal word to describe her pricky acquaintance, but it fitted their relationship for some bizarre reason. Kanaya sat down amongst the puddles of blood on the floor and pulled his head into her lap, absently playing with his hair. Poor Eridan...so heartbroken and grief-stricken, he'd killed his one true love on the spur of the moment. Surely he deserved a second chance? Not with Feferi, of course-she would probably hate him more than anything else.

A second chance at life?

It certainly would make Kanaya feel less bad about the whole thing. Yet there were several things wrong with that idea-one, he was idead/i. Two, everyone pretty much agreed that they were really better off without him. Even her darling Rose had said something. But Kanaya couldn't just leave him here either.

Wait, she was a rainbow drinker, wasn't she?

And couldn't she infect other trolls?

The idea was prosperous. And yet she wanted to at least try. She missed her friend. But would that even work with a dead troll? And what about his stomach?

Oh wait, she knew how to take care of that. She adjusted the limp boy until the two parts where he'd been sawed in half were alined, then produced a needle and thread from her skirt. Her emergency kit. What followed was a rather difficult and bloody attempt at sewing Eridan's body shut. Miraculously, it worked.

A line of neat, tiny stitches ran from Eridan's stomach to his back and around, and when she tugged at them, they held nicely. They would hopefully stay like that if he didn't bend down too much.

Pulling the corpse to her chest, Kanaya hesitated. Would this even work? Well, it worked in her books, why not real life? She sighed and steeled herself a moment, before biting down-hard-on the limp shoulder. It was tempting to start feeding on the rich blood, but she resisted. Instead she waited until she felt venom squirt from her teeth.

Now there was nothing to do but wait.

She retreated to a corner of the room, hoping something would happen, that maybe, just maybe she saved him. For quite a while there was nothing. And then suddenly the body twitched and convulsed, and the irises of Eridan's eyes rolled back into place, his skin glowing a pale sickly colour. He looked confused, raising a hand to the bitemark, before slowly something seemed to click in his brain, and he looked around.

The first thing he saw was Kanaya's chest while she hugged him.

How odd...Kanaya wasn't much of a hugger. She was more of a fusser and a meddler. The slightest hint of a smile was on her face as she let go and looked over the fellow rainbow drinker in front of her. "Hello, Eridan. Do you feel okay?"

"Kan? W-What's goin' on?" His expression was just so innocent. "W-Where is ev-verybody? Did Jack get 'em?"

The smile disappeared as Kanaya thought about how to answer this. "No, they're okay. And you are too, now at least."

"But w-why aren't w-we w-with them?"

The girl flinched. Poor Eridan...maybe she should've just left him dead. "They...don't know you're alive. They think you're still dead. I really hate to say this, Eridan, but I don't think they want to speak to you."

"W-Wa? But, I said I w-was sorry to Fef, w-we're good now-w-"

"No, Eridan. They think they're better off without you." Oh god, that hurt to say. This was a terrible idea. "I think...it would be best if you stayed away from them. You can feed off of me or Gamzee if you can find him. Just...stay away from the others, alright?"

"W-Why w-would they be better off? I'm not that bad, you'v-ve got to be lying..." His eyes were so confused and hurt, and oh god she couldn't stay there and stare into those eyes. She looked away and stood up.

"I'm sorry, Eridan, but I assure you, I'm not lying. Just stay away. I'll check on you later." Like a coward, she left before she could hear him answer. Oh god, she brought him back to life, just so that she could hurt him.

The guilt was twice as worse now.


End file.
